Its been a while since I’ve made an update on my life, so here we go! Quick overview is that I took Math150 at school and it was tough! Thankfully, my uncle helped me get through it, although, I don’t know what grade I made because I have a hold on my account. I have to keep working through my employer’s third party to get my school paid for, which may take another week or two to get payment. I hope it hurries because I want to be able to go in the fall!
Next, my mom broke her foot at the beginning of last month and I’ve been taking care of her. That has been a massive battle for me due to not having any down time at all from school and work. I struggle if I can’t unwind and I was about at the end of my rope. She and Dad went to Nashville this morning for an overnight trip for a concert at the Opry, which means I get almost 2 whole days to unwind and get my mind straight. They need some time for just them and I really need some isolation.
Then, I have my best friend’s baby sprinkle… Which has turned into a full on shower. She has a 2 year old son and is pregnant with a baby girl and this was supposed to be a small event. However, it has turned into a full shower with games, prizes, big decor, and lots of money to spend. My other best friend and I are splitting everything but it still is a strain on my already tight budget. I know this will be her last baby but it is hard to meet the expectations of moms-to-be, in-laws, and keeping your sanity all at the same time. I just hope we can give her the shower that she wants and deserves.
Throughout the events of this summer, I wonder when my personal dating life will take off and if my life is meant to be shared with someone else. I have deleted all but one of my dating site profiles and focused on one. The current one is a paid site to try and find someone who is serious about finding someone to spend their life with and not wasting time on the wrong one. It seems to be that the ones that are interested in me are atheist or agnostic, or 5-7 years younger than me or my parents’ age of 50 plus. I state in the “Bio” that I am looking for a Catholic man with a family in his future but not right now. I just wonder if God has a man planned for me or if I am wandering through my early 30’s aimlessly.
I thought when I got married to my ex-husband that I was going to be with him until death. I truly thought that he was the one God sent to me and that he would love me until we were old and gray. When he decided to have an affair, my world was crushed and so was my trust in men. I have done a lot of healing since March 2015 and would like to date again. Because of what I went through during the divorce, (and after), I know I am guarded to a degree to not get hurt again. I have only dated one man since my divorce and he was good man, just not the one for me. I thought dating would be easier than what it is, online dating would be simple, you just pick one, right? I don’t know how to date, honestly, and online isn’t easy!
Again, I somehow am attracting Godless men and ones that are much too young or old. I wish there was a magic lock I could find the key to, and start dating a good Catholic man. I’m not looking for someone “perfect” or a Ken doll – just someone who wants to be with me because they want to – not because they need me. I’m not someone’s project, second choice, or one to play with. I want commitment in a non-commitment world. I know I have been very fortunate with my parents being married for 30+ years, no affairs or abuse. The have been together because of hard work, their faith, and commitment to each other, no matter how hard it has been. The have come close to throwing in the towel, but because of their love, belief in their wedding vows, and support from our families, they have stuck it out.
So if this reaches anyone out there in vast web – pray that someone like me can find the purpose to this season in life and God will guide me to who I’m meant to be with. Because I’m just waiting for God to send him to me – I think I’m ready.
Love and peace.